Incels, Feminism, and Entitlement
In summary, "incels" or "nice guys" are men who have experienced chronic sexual rejection. In large part, they blame this sexual rejection on women going for "jerks" over themselves. The phrase "friendzone" (the phenomenon of males wanting a romantic relationship with a female that sees him in a more platonic matter) is often associated with these guys.
The feminist view says that, in fact, these guys are not "nice" at all. Instead, they feel entitled to sex with certain women just because they were nice to them. Furthermore, this kind of sexual entitlement contributes to violence and misogyny.
This view, on its face, seems reasonable. But, the subtle mistakes are quite important. The first one of these is the idea of entitlement.
In fact, I agree that, in large part, these males do feel entitled to intimacy. This is where the feminist narrative goes wrong. Feeling entitled to intimacy is not the same thing as feeling entitled to someone else's body. Intimacy, most would agree, is a crucial part of the human experience. People deprived of it feel "entitled" to it in the same way that people suffering chronic isolation may feel "entitled" to other people's time and attention, another crucial part of the human experience.
Perhaps you can imagine someone who is severely depressed who complains about their not being happy despite constantly trying. Would you tell them that they need to stop feeling "entitled" to happiness?
Hopefully not, at least if you have a heart of any kind. We also need to recognize that it is socially acceptable to blame society for people who feel ostracized. Typically, certain factors about the person contribute to such isolation, but most people can also recognize the inherent unfairness towards the ostracized individual in many cases.
If it's okay to claim that systematic problems in society leads to certain individuals becoming isolated or impoverished, its hard to imagine why it's so unthinkable to say that the female mate selection process also unfairly excludes certain men or vice versa.
There's also a question of rights. A feminist might say that there is no right to sex. I agree. But, I might wonder if they agree with themselves. After all, feminists tend to see access to birth control as a woman's health issue. And, they tend to see access to health services as a right. The thinking here is that, indeed, sex is a human need and thus there should be a positive right to be able to have it.
In other words, it seems that women tend to see sex for women as a universal right but not for men. A feminist might respond by saying that women don't feel entitled to sex because they don't complain about not having it. However, this ignores two fundamental human truths. The first, and less important one, is the increased male sex drive which is higher than that of females. This means that men actually have a greater need for sex than females.
The second is the mate selection process that casts men as initiators and women as the far more selective sex. In other words, an unattractive female will have a much easier time finding a sexual partner than an unattractive male. There is, when it comes to access to sex, a gender disparity favoring women.
If sex is part of health care and health care is a human right (I don't agree with either of these points by the way), then feminists need to be straightforward about the fact that they are okay with depriving a significant segment of the male population of their rights. At least then we could have a more honest dialogue.
The feminist view says that, in fact, these guys are not "nice" at all. Instead, they feel entitled to sex with certain women just because they were nice to them. Furthermore, this kind of sexual entitlement contributes to violence and misogyny.
This view, on its face, seems reasonable. But, the subtle mistakes are quite important. The first one of these is the idea of entitlement.
In fact, I agree that, in large part, these males do feel entitled to intimacy. This is where the feminist narrative goes wrong. Feeling entitled to intimacy is not the same thing as feeling entitled to someone else's body. Intimacy, most would agree, is a crucial part of the human experience. People deprived of it feel "entitled" to it in the same way that people suffering chronic isolation may feel "entitled" to other people's time and attention, another crucial part of the human experience.
Perhaps you can imagine someone who is severely depressed who complains about their not being happy despite constantly trying. Would you tell them that they need to stop feeling "entitled" to happiness?
Hopefully not, at least if you have a heart of any kind. We also need to recognize that it is socially acceptable to blame society for people who feel ostracized. Typically, certain factors about the person contribute to such isolation, but most people can also recognize the inherent unfairness towards the ostracized individual in many cases.
If it's okay to claim that systematic problems in society leads to certain individuals becoming isolated or impoverished, its hard to imagine why it's so unthinkable to say that the female mate selection process also unfairly excludes certain men or vice versa.
There's also a question of rights. A feminist might say that there is no right to sex. I agree. But, I might wonder if they agree with themselves. After all, feminists tend to see access to birth control as a woman's health issue. And, they tend to see access to health services as a right. The thinking here is that, indeed, sex is a human need and thus there should be a positive right to be able to have it.
In other words, it seems that women tend to see sex for women as a universal right but not for men. A feminist might respond by saying that women don't feel entitled to sex because they don't complain about not having it. However, this ignores two fundamental human truths. The first, and less important one, is the increased male sex drive which is higher than that of females. This means that men actually have a greater need for sex than females.
The second is the mate selection process that casts men as initiators and women as the far more selective sex. In other words, an unattractive female will have a much easier time finding a sexual partner than an unattractive male. There is, when it comes to access to sex, a gender disparity favoring women.
If sex is part of health care and health care is a human right (I don't agree with either of these points by the way), then feminists need to be straightforward about the fact that they are okay with depriving a significant segment of the male population of their rights. At least then we could have a more honest dialogue.
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